Tag Archives: humility

On Again, Off Again

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I have this nasty habit (previously discussed) of adding lots to my plate.  Usually it ends up becoming more than I can reasonably handle.  I’m not all that great at juggling lots of priorities and I have plenty of bumps and bruises from falling off of one wagon or another.  It’s humiliating when one of those priorities is something that I’ve professed to myself or to others is important to me – something I value and respect and want to honor, accomplish, or stick with.  It’s been diet, it’s been martial arts, it’s been taking care of my emotional state, it’s been my wife, and it’s probably been most everything that I want to be able to pay attention to with any regularity.

That humiliation feels like the bane of my existence sometimes.  It’s hard to swallow my pride and say that I’ve failed and that I’m coming back to try to pick up where I left off. It’s hard to admit to others or to myself that I’m not as capable or enduring as I’d like to be by coming back to face those priorities again.

On the other hand, coming back to those things that fall by the wayside for a bit is another way to demonstrate that they do matter.  I’m not perfect.  I’m not strong, smart, or tough enough to handle everything with its due attention all the time.  I try and try to maintain that state, but it never quite works, or never does for long.  That’s ok.  Returning to a thing to pick it back up is good and important no matter how awkward it feels.  Momentum is the least of what I lose, but any of that loss is better than sacrificing ideals, concepts, goals, or people that I value.

So the word of the day, I guess, is probably humility.  Yes, demonstrate it in public.  Don’t discount yourself or your worth, but don’t take yourself too seriously.  By the same token, be humble with yourself.  Know that you’ll fall off the wagon.  You’ll make mistakes, lose sight of your goals, forget basics and fundamentals.  Forgive yourself.  Refocus.  Remember.  Relearn.  You’ll get back on track.